


Dancing With the              Birds

by sephrati



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Family, Fantasy Dancing With the Stars, Fantasy Tom Bergeron, Fluff, Healing, Other, Spoilers, Tags will be added, Teen for Swears, after Story and Song, mostly canon, sabatoge, some characters are minor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-08-27 06:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16697020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sephrati/pseuds/sephrati
Summary: It's nearly been a year after the Story and Song, and the Seven Birds are healing. Some are off living on their own, swept up in too many emotions and greif, while other reside together in hopes of fixing what's been broken.But then they get a letter.Then Tom Bergeron comes in.And thus starts the most competitive and most viewed season of Dancing With the Stars, renamed Dancing With the Birds, where the universes saviors dance to win the Mirrorball Trophy, but also are reunited in the most unconvential way as possible.Let's tango.





	1. Birds Don't Dance

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, hope you enjoy a whole new story I'm working on. This is gonna get pretty long and complicated, but its gonna be worth it :)

The letters came in spurts.

First, the midnight blue glittery paper fell into the hands of Davenport on the Starblaster, somehow finding him even as he flew over the distant worlds on his own sort of vacation. Although he had no mailbox, it was stuck in a crack of the main ramp door, ominous due to its unnatural circumstances of arrival.

Then it was Lucretia, the paper arriving on the moon base just days before she was to shut the small town down. She had seen it fluttering in the wind as she strolled by Fantasy Costco, and it seem to have fallen straight into her hands by movements created by a gust of questionable wind.

Magnus, also on the moon base to of course help Lucretia pack and move her things before he went to live, as he put it, "somewhere with ample amounts of rustic hospitality", had found his own paper underneath a recently carved wooden goose he had made in the down hours of the night. This, well, concerned him.

Merle found his own in his margarita after taking a dip in the tropical resort's pool where he had been staying at for several weeks. Although the paper was slightly wet and sprinkled with some salt, it was readable, and even more frightening.

Lup and Barry found theirs one after the other. Barry's was tucked in the pocket of his favorite jeans, and Lup's appeared behind her most beloved scented candle during her meditation time.

But it was when Taako's appeared did the ball really start rolling. Wanting to make pancakes for Kravitz before he went off to work, the letter was folded neatly into the crevices of his spatula. His scream was heard by everyone in the house, and Lup, Barry, and Kravitz came sprinting down he steps to find Taako looking dumbfound at the letter in his land. He said no words as he held out the paper before them, Lup and Barry cringing at the paper they knew held the same information they had read only a day before,

 

_Dear Taako Taaco,_

_I hope your day is going exemplary. I'm a big fan of yours, both your cooking abilities and your magical skills. We here at Fantasy NBC have quite the idea to pitch to you and your comrades. Although I may be slightly biased to you in general, the Seven Birds themselves are the single biggest celebrity group at the moment. I'm going to be real with you, Taako, because I know your coworkers may not be so understanding, but I think you need to milk it for all it's worth. You've saved the world, you deserve a little, treat, right? So come meet with some executives here, and we can discuss some opportunities I think you'll very much enjoy. How about you and you're friends compete in a little show we call, "Fantasy Dancing With the Stars" But I know you all are above star level, so we could simply make it, "Fantasy Dancing With the Birds" Sounds amazing, I know. So get back to me as soon as you can, and I hope to see you out on the dance floor._

_-Tom Bergeron, Host_

_P.S._  
_Make sure to keep this letter on the down-low. The invitations your friends got weren't nearly as detail filled as yours was, but don't let them know that. I trust you'll keep it secret._

It was Kravitz who spoke first,  
"Umm... who's Tom Bergeron?"

Taako quickly shushed him and smiled, as Lup and Barry begged him with pure pleading in their eyes.

"Taako... lets think about this for a sec..."  
Lup stepped towards him, hands out as a sign of peace.

Taako just kept smiling, and walked backwards out of the kitchen, at increasing speed.

"No really, who's Tom Bergeron, and what's Fantasy Dancing With Stars?"  
Kravitz questioned, seemingly talking to no one but himself.

Lup walked to Taako faster, Barry following close behind, loudly denying even the idea of it,  
"We really should meet with the crew, KoKo, this may be too early, and this whole thing seems kinda threatening... please-"

It was at that moment Taako took the chance to cast disguise self, and before a horrified Lup, Barry, and Kravitz, he became the silver fox himself, wearing a crisp navy suit and gazing at them with eyes that could kill a man, Tom Bergeron.

"Now..."  
Taako began, in a voice that sounded much like Tom Bergeron's but still with edges of Taako's own flair,

"Who's ready to tango?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I've had this idea for awhile and have just now decided to start working with it. My writing itself is pretty eh but I hope I got the point across and this can turn into the full fledged story I know it can be. Please comment and kudos for support, it really means a lot to me as I'm trying to make this fever dream readable. I love Dancing With the Stars because I watched it a lot as a kid and I thought it'd be hilarious if it was in the balance universe, so thus, you have this. I don't know at the moment how many chapters this will be (maybe like 15) but I'll try to update on a fairly regular schedule. 
> 
> I've rambled long enough, so thank you again for reading, and if you celebrate Thankgiving, happy holidays as well!
> 
> Stay fresh,  
> sephrati


	2. Maybe Birds Do Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Birds come together and discuss the prospect of competing on Fantasy Dancing With the Stars while also facing family problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Enjoy the new chapter! I think my back cracked at least 87 times while writing this

It was nearly a week later when the Seven Birds were brought together. After many concerned calls from one stone of farspeech to another and thrown around dates and times, the seven stood face to face in Taako's posh living room. Davenport originally wanted everyone to come onto the Starblaster, but Taako blatantly refused and insisted everyone just come over.

This get together, of course, was to discuss the nature of the invitations the Birds had received over the course of the month entailing that they, the saviors of the universe, compete on Fantasy Dancing With the Stars. But underlying it all was almost a small family reunion, and an unwelcome one, at that.

It had been some time since they were all together in the same room, for over the past year or so since the "finale" of their adventures, their story, their past lives, they had all mostly parted ways.

Lup and Barry were staying with Taako and Kravitz for some time living in their corporeal form until they were taken on as Kravitz's reaper apprentices. The Raven Queen herself granted them a two year immunity, or really just a small living vacation, until they turned back to liches and served her. She did this as a gift to her favorite reapers future in laws, and also because she enjoyed Lup's spunk.

Magnus was, for the time being, living on the moon, but was looking for a small cabin somewhere in the woods, or just a quiet place to settle down with his 57 or so dogs. Maybe not that much, but it seems like it whenever Taako dares to visit and is faced with an army of wagging tails. Magnus was focusing on woodworking and writing letters daily to his departed wife, Julia. Once again, the Raven Queen granted this small favor for Kravitz's friend, and let the two be life and death pen pals. Kravitz was more than happy to deliver the letters at the end of each week and have tea with Julia in her small island cabin in the Astral Plane, and visit Magnus to play with some dogs and look over newly made wooden poultry. It was also a small perk for him to see the two gush about each other constantly, for he only hoped that he and Taako would do the same someday.

Merle, on the other hand, turned into a walking party city. He had been bouncing from resort to resort, filling his days with margaritas and hula dances. A couple times a month he would take his children and have small family adventures, taking the role of father in stride. He also visited Davenport on a regular basis, spending questionable amounts of time up in the Starblaster, so much that the Birds chose to ignore it.

Davenport resided on the ship in near solitude, except for the visits from Merle. He chose to spend time alone, taking in the setting of his past life. It was nice to be back at the wheel, to be the captain once again, to be in control. Control was now something Davenport struggled with, for he spent so much time without it. There was days when he worried he would lose everything again, that he would turn back into mindless wind up doll that would only spit out a single word. Merle made these days easier, a common friend, a memory he knew was real, but they still came.

Lucretia still lived on the moon, her only company being Magnus. It took some months to pack everything up, to shut down her once most prized creation, but it had to be done. All employees were sent off with their last big paycheck, on their way to a hopefully better life. Lucretia knew she would never be able to do the same. No one talked to her besides Magnus, who tried his best to be friendly, to make her laugh. But she felt as though she was holding him back, and that she was constantly the center of a pity party. Davenport left as soon as he could to get away from her, Merle came only once to tell her he forgave her, but that he needed time alone, Barry barely said a world, Lup at least answered her phone of farspeech for small, dwindling conversations, and Taako... Lucretia didn't dare to even try. In the end, she knew she deserved it all, she deserved the shunning, her newfound self hatred, the days she couldn't even look in the mirror, but she just wished to see her friends once again. To feel something more than guilt.

Taako, was, for maybe once in his life, truly happy. He had his sister back with his nerdy brother in law that he knew would be safe and always present for the rest of his life, his super amazing undead boyfriend who he knew he would one day marry, a rockin' house, a new school in the works, and a new line of bestselling cookbooks. In addition, he had his boy Ango McDango, who he would never dare acknowledge as such, but that he continued teaching on a regular basis until his school opened. Sure, he had days of immense grief where he could only remember, only look into the past and try to pick apart the mistakes he made, the things he lost, all the living nightmares he faced- okay, so maybe it wasn't perfect, but he was getting through it. There was things that still needed to be mended, broken glass scattered around that, for the time being, he just tiptoed around instead of sweeping up. But, he still visited the THB bi-weekly, talked with Dav at least once over the stone through a particularly bad night, and hung out with his friends on the reg. Lucretia was completely pushed out of the train of thought, for she was the one piece of glass he avoided most, sharp edges he dare not to even try to pick up.

So, all in all, the seven had enough baggage to have to pay for carry-ons at Delta Airlines.

And now, they were all together, scattered around various couches and arm chairs, to not unload the baggage, oh no, but to throw more gasoline into this dumpster fire of a family and discuss the proposition of going on a dancing show.

It was of course Magnus who rushed in and spoke first,  
"Soooo... we aren't doing this, right?"

Merle and Barry gave huffs of agreement as Taako sprang up from his shared armchair with Lup, exclaiming,  
" _ **Excuse**_ me? Of course we're doing this! This is a once in a lifetime chance! FDWTS is the single greatest show of all time, and to have a whole season dedicated to us? Are you fuckin kidding me!"

Lup grabbed Taako's wrist and gently replied,  
"KoKo, but this isn't just your decision. It's all of ours. We need to talk it out."

Lup gave Taako a pleading smile, so he sat down and sighed, annoyed that Lup of all people wasn't on his side.

Barry nodded and began his own argument, hands resting on his denim knees,  
"Really, if we're going to be serious about this, I think we all need to remember a couple things. This show is pretty renowned, that is true, Taako, but that also means our faces, our names, are going to be broadcasted across the Planar System. Of course, that isn't new to us, but it just isn't a good time. Most of us, besides you, have been trying to lay on the down low, which is fine. But the new fame that will come with this is dangerous. What will happen when Lup and I seemingly disappear from the media? When we become reapers? Fantasy TMZ will have a field day. Sure, we're still talked about now, recognized in grocery stores and what have you, but this it just too much."

This statement got nods from the rest of the birds, all except for Taako, who spit at Barry with great annoyance,  
"Well, Barold, I didn't know you became such a good lawyer. Maybe its from all of that fuckin Fantasy Law and Order that you've been watching on MY TV in MY home while eating MY fabulous food, hm?"

This got a swat from Lup who scolded through gritted teeth,  
"Damnit, Taako, would you just listen? This isn't about some childhood dream, this is about the wellbeing of us all!"

Taako glared at Lup, ready to fight, when he saw something strange in her eyes. Sure, she looked mad, but there was also this hidden layer of sadness, something Taako hadn't seen in a long time. He looked around the room and saw it in everyone. Lucretia sat a ways away in a single chair off in the corner, avoiding all conversation, Davenport sitting next to Merle, watching the fight with a glossy look in his eyes, Merle next to him and muttering something about, "For the love of Pan-" Magnus was petting a small dog he brought over, unusually quiet. Barry's face was bright right, and Taako noticed he was significantly uncomfortable.

Taako realized this was about more than just going on some TV show, and that to even convince them, he'd have to clean up some stuff. Because, for once, he wasn't good out here. It was time to fix things, and the time was now.

So, to the surprise of them all, he stood up quietly and began his plea,

"I know it's hard to be here. I do. We haven't been together in some time, haven't had to face the facts. Trust me, its fuckin weird as hell to see you all. Yeah, it's uncomfortable, but it's needed.... I think."

Shit, this was actually going okay, he thought. Lup had a small smile on her face, Barry didn't look like a fuckin tomato any more, and Lucretia was really looking at him now.

"So maybe I'm the only one who really wants this to happen, I can see that. And yeah, maybe the thought of meeting Tom Bergeron and getting to fuckin groove it in front of millions of fans seems fantastic, so sue me if I think I can _cha cha real smooth_."

Okay, getting away from the point, rope it back in.

"But, contrary to popular belief, I'm not a dumbass. This isn't just some stupid dancing show. This is about us. You all don't care about this competition invitation, you just are scared about being together. But I don't want us to lose this opportunity to, I don't know, have some fun for once, just because the thought of facing our problems is frightening. Hell, I'm probably the most scared person here, but you know what, we've had our time to vegetate and grieve, we need to face the music!"

Merle mouthed the words,  
"Keep going, kid." While winking at him, and Davenport finally seemed to awaken from his stupor while Magnus began leg bouncing slightly, seeming more interested in the conversation.

"And by the music, I mean the music out on the dance floor. Does this seem kids sketchy? You betcha. But do I want that mirrorball trophy on my mantel? Yes I fucking do. We are the Seven Birds. We basically saved humanity and destroyed darkness itself, we can handle family problems and Tom Bergeron and Fantasy NBC sharks any day. I mean, they want US. We have the power, we make the demands, they do 'em. Now who wants to fuckin boogie?"

They were all smiling now, and Taako felt immensely proud of himself. He actually strung together words that made a point, and sure, maybe Tom Bergeron was mentioned too much, but hey, that was the Taako Brand, baby.

But that was all diminished when Davenport simply responded,  
"Taako, that was impressive, but its still a no from me."

Magnus added,  
"Yeah, sounds fun and all, but I really don't feel like getting paired up with some snobby professional dancer and having to practice for weeks on weeks. I got way too many dogs to worry about, and Derek Hough gives me the heebie jeebies."

Then Merle started saying something about how dance was some kind of form of meditation and that he had been recently learning the hula, though Taako quickly shot that thought from his mind, so he was maybe on board, then Barry brought up the lich thing again, Lup started saying that it was all fun and games until they all get torn apart by Carrie Ann Inaba, and Taako's speech quickly went to shit.

Through the loud growing argument of the birds, Taako caught Lucretia's eyes from across the room, not daring to say a word. Surprised to see Taako even acknowledging her existence, she stared at him as he mouthed the words, venom in his eyes,  
" _You owe me_."

And that she did. So, she took a deep breath and stood up, holding up her hand as a silencer, and to her delight, the room went quiet. Taako watched her carefully as she shakily began her statement, saying,  
"Hello- yes- hi, uh.... I know most of you don't really acknowledge me much anymore, which is okay, I get it..."  
  
This got some downcast eyes from nearly everyone around the room in some form of shame, except Taako who twirled his finger, mouthing,  
" _Get to the point."_

Lucretia cleared her throat, trying to take on the role of director, a leader, that she held seemingly so long ago,  
"But I do agree with Taako. We've been through a lot of things, horrible and frightening, that only us seven can understand. And instead of talking it out, we left each other in the dust. Yes, some of us have at least another, but some are also... alone."

This time, it's the rest of the room that wouldn't meet her eyes.

"This is a chance to get back together. Not so much a fresh start, but more of a pickup where we left off. I know we cant forget what we've gone through, so why not do it together. Afterward, we can all never see each other again, but we only have so much time. The clock is ever ticking, and must we live those moments alone?"

Magnus held onto his dog for comfort, knowing that his own clock was ticking significantly faster than the rest of them.

"This my be slightly unorthodox, but its the exact kind of bullshit we get into. So, you may not respect me anymore, you may not care about me or my wellbeing, but listen to me when I say I think this will be good for us. A little fun. Can't we just have fun for awhile and not worry about the past or future or the mistakes in between? We're worth it."

The room was deadly silent as Lucretia sat back down, hiding her shaking hands behind her back as Taako gave her a small nod of thanks. She gave a small smile, and looked back down at the floor in waiting.

Mangnus whispered,  
"I- I think I'm in. But on one condition- I'm not dancing with those professionals. If we do this, I want our partners to be each other. If this is really for family, then lets make it that way."

Barry held onto Lup's hand and agreed,  
"I'm in too. Lup and I don't have that much time here before we become reapers. Who knows, it might actually be fun."

Lup squeezed his hand, adding,  
"Me too. Let's do it."

Davenport looked extremely unsure, muttering,  
"Last time I checked, birds don't dance."

Merle then declared very loudly, eyes on Davenport,  
"Actually, birds do dance. In nature, they 'perform' for another bird as a mating dance to seduce them."

Taako covered his ears and Lup yelled,  
"Gross gross gross gross grosS-"

Merle raised his eyebrows at Davenport as he grumbled, face extremely red,  
"Mm- fine, FINE! I'll do it."

Merle smiled and stated proudly,  
"I'll do it too."

Taako beamed and clapped his hands, and looked around at the room. Everyone was smiling, some nervous, others just plain excited.

"Well then, I'll set up a meeting with Fantasy NBC. We'll all go and list our demands. If we are doing the partner thing, though, we need to figure out who's dancing with who, because you bet your asses I'm playing to win."

Lup and Barry immediately paired together, smiling brightly as Taako made a gagging motion, Merle and Davenport 'supposed' they should be partners for 'height alikeness', Magnus said he would go with Lucretia, which he thought was a nice thing to do, but just added to her feeling of self pity, which left Taako by himself.

Lup realized this and asked with concern,  
"Oh shit, kinda forgot seven is an odd number. If you want KoKo, I'll dance with you and Barry can sit out?"

Barry nodded behind her, happy for a way out of this.

Taako just smiled and replied,  
"So sweet of you, dear sister, but I got it covered. I just so happen to have just the man I need."

Taako got out his stone of farspeech and quickly dialed a number, which was answered with a cockney voice that rang out, saying,  
" 'Ello, you've reached Kravitz."

Taako snorted and teased,  
"Babe, I would say you need to get a caller ID, but it just gets funnier every time. Can you come here for one sec?"'

Kravitz mumbled something with embarrassment and hung up, and a few seconds later a rift ripped opened in the living room besides Taako, and out stepped Kravitz in is his full reaper suit but thankfully with his face on.

Not excepting to see the while crew in his living room, he gave a small awkward wave and sat down next to Taako where he was patting the seat.

"Um... hello everyone."

He turned to Taako and muttered,  
"Dear, what did you need?"

Taako smiled and gave Kravitz a quick kiss and said,  
"Well, what if I told you that you had the chance to dance with the most beautiful and talented elf in the universe?"

This got a small, "Hey!" From Lup, but Kravitz just smiled and said,  
"Well, I'm already the luckiest guy ever, but that just sounds like the cherry on top."

This then got choking sounds from Lup and some hand motions from Merle that Taako chose to ignore. Taako had been marathoning Dancing With the Stars for the past week with Kravitz and successfully got him hooked, so it was really no surprise.

Taako leaned into Kravitz and announced,  
"Well, seems like a plan. We all good? You're all welcome to stay here for the next week or so while I try to get things together and shit, no problemo there. Hell, I'll even see if i can get Carey and Killian on board!"

The Seven Birds all nodded, agreeing to participate in Fantasy Dancing With the Stars, but mostly agreeing to try to heal, but to do it together.

So, maybe birds do dance.  
Maybe it takes some convincing and guilt tripping and the tiniest bit of hope, but the seven most powerful people in the universe agreed on a single thing.

Well, make that two.

Derek Hough was fucking creepy, and family is important.

Actually, one more thing.

The Mirrorball Trophy wasn't going to be won without one hell of a fight.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how y'all doin, hope you enjoyed the newest installment that I sat down and wrote in three hours because i have no pacing or self control. It was really fun and also kinda challenging to write with seven characters in the room so hope it turned out okay! Thank you so much for the kudos and nice comments on the last chapter, this one is a little denser and so will the rest of the chapters most likely be. I'm so very excited for this project and I hope everyone likes it too, because its a little out of the ordinary. Please kudos if you enjoyed it and comment too, it really makes my day and pushes me to write more. I apologize for the bad jokes i slipped in and very weird references but it makes typing at my computer for hours go by a lil faster.
> 
> Sorry this is so long uhhh see y'all in the next chapter when the birds go to Fantasy NBC and really just destroy them ;)
> 
> hope your cereal tastes good  
> Stay fresh,  
> sephrati


	3. Birds Do Dance, For a Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Seven Birds meet with Fantasy NBC with a list of demands for their show. Things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil shorter cause I'm on a time crunch, so I hope you enjoy!

  
"Absolutely not."

The stuffy office of Fantasy NBC held a long conference table, which was seated with five high rise executives, two on each side of an older looking half-elf woman in the middle, who, after hearing the Seven Birds demands vocalized by Taako who was seated directly across from her, had said those exact words.

Taako frowned, and leaned back in the cushy chair, eyeing her warily. All of the birds were present by his side, with Magnus, Merle, and Davenport on his left, Lup, Barry, and Lucretia on his right. Before arriving at this tall, glamorous building in Goldcliff, Taako had declared himself as head negotiator in their upcoming meeting with the producers of Fantasy Dancing With the Stars, and had scrawled out their demands on a notepad that read:

**_DEMANDS!!!!_ **   
_-partners with only each other_  
_-NOT FUCKING DEREK HOUGH_  
_-add on group of Carey and Killian for funsies_  
_-no long season bullshit_  
_-n o f u c k i n g d e r e k h o u g h_

This list was not going to be read word by word, but just was some notes for Taako as he stated their offer. Magnus had gotten slightly carried away at the notion of "No Derek Hough", as it was scribbled in nearly every corner. Lup had accidentally singed it along the way while trying to yank it from Taako's hands, and now it was slightly wet thanks to Merle soaking it in water while trying to put the fire out.

So now Taako drummed his fingernails across the nice table in thought, the nearly destroyed paper in front of him as he holds eye contact with the half-elf woman who he believed introduced herself as Opheli. After a moment, Taako sighed and shot up, snatching the paper and saying with little feeling,

"Well, I guess that means we're hittin the road. Good luck trying to find another group who literally saved the universe. Ta-ta, Opheli-"

Taako began strutting out of the office, the rest of the Birds silently rising up to follow him, trying to hide their smirks. The executive stands up hurriedly and called,

"Mr-Mr. Taaco, wait-"

Taako stopped in the doorway and smiled, questioning,  
"Hmm...?"

She quickly walked over to him, eyes wide as she stuttered out,  
"I-I'm sure we can work out something, right? Let's not be too rash, hm? Maybe I was a little too dismissive. Please, let's continue our chat."

Taako turned back around and gave her a sweet smile, and replied back,  
"Oh, of course Opheli. Let's not be too rash.... and really... hm.... look at what we got, shall we?"

The woman muttered,  
"Its actually Omelia...." as Taako plopped himself back in the comfy chair and gave Lup an under the table low five.

Omelia took a deep breath and smoothed out her skirt as she sat back down at the other end of the table, beginning once again,  
"Well, you have to understand, some of these demands are.... quite challenging. One of the main parts of the show is the celebrity-professional dancer pairing. It's what makes it work. My worry is that without that, one, the couples would be simply disastrous at dancing, and two, the season would be short. Instead of seven groups, which is already pretty small, we'd simply have four."

Taako nodded along in understanding. He eyes Magnus warily as he whispers,  
"If I see **any** sign of Derek Hough, I will kill him on the spot-"  
And retorts to Omelia,  
"Well, bubelah, I can see where you're coming from, but thankfully I got a fix for all your problemos. Ya see, some of us hold ourselves to a high standard of the art of dance, and we don't want that vibe get smooshed by some snobby dancer that thinks they foxtrot better than Taako. Yes, some groups may be worse than others..."

Taako looked to Merle and Davenport as they both look back at him as if to say,  
"Me?"

"But we'd make it work. And with only five groups, ya see, the season would go by faster, but we'd prefer that way. We're all terribly busy, you must understand, so a five week show is really all we can do. Think of it as a mini season, Dancing With the Birds, a lil in between that tops it all. Short and sweet, just how we like it"

Omelia followed Taako up until the point he mentioned, not four, but FIVE groups, and holds up her hand and says,  
"Woah woah woah- Last time I checked, there's only seven of you, plus... someone named Karl or something that you, Taako, would dance with?"

Taako glared at her and snapped,  
"It's _KRAVITZ_ , and he's not 'someone', he's my boyfriend, geez, get it right, Oatmeal."

"Oh, I'm- terribly sorry-"  
Omelia gritted her teeth and continued,  
"So that's already a none-bird you want to bring on the show, so who's this fifth couple that's coming in?"

"Oh, it's chill, their names are Carey and Killian, they're super rad, people will LOVE them, trust me."

"Well, it's actually NOT super chill, Mr. Taako, we can't just bring in none celebrities. That's the whole draw of the show, thats- that's- just preposterous."

Omelia looked as though she was going to lose her mind, so a younger orc man next to her held up his hand and said in a deep, monotone voice,

"Can- can you all give us a second to.... confer? Just go on out and chill in the lobby, we'll call you in when we're ready."

Taako sighed heavily and got up, the rest of the group following him as they made their way into the nicely furnished lobby.

Thirty minutes go by until they are called back in, Omelia sitting with her hands clasped in front of her, her face red and her eyebrows drawn tight. As the Birds sit down, Magnus pulls Merle chair out from under him, and he goes crashing down, knocking a styrofoam cup of hot coffee into Davenport lap as he screams,  
" _ **SHIT**_ -" and jumps up in surprise. This sends the twins and Barry into a fit of laughter and makes Lucretia bite her lip to hold in her giggle.

The five unimpressed executives watch silently as it takes a good five minutes for them all to get it together, and even then Merle is still kicking Magnus under the table and Davenport is muttering something about the stain on his favorite pants.

Taako lets out one final trill of laughter and settles down, finally looking up at Omelia and saying smoothly,  
"So, Oven Mitt, do we got a deal?"

Omelia's face reddens even more as she struggles out,  
"Well, Taako, you have your demands, and we have ours. You all will receive no payment or money from this, zip, zero, nada, for this future show. We will have to meet with your proposed none-bird associates for an interview to make sure they are camera ready, AND, **AND** , if we here at NBC catch a single whiff of shenanigans or Tom foolery, you are done. Understand?"

Taako grinned and replied,  
"Dunk, sounds good to me. Where do we sign?"

Omelia, for the first time in the meeting, smiles. She says,  
"Well, you're going to have to use your own blood, you know."

The Birds eyes go wide and they all look concerned toward each other, until the executives break out in laughter, the orc man chuckling,  
"No, no, we'll have our assistant bring it in. Welcome, Birds. We're going to have fun."

The Seven nervously laughed along, uncertain at just what they got themselves into.

* * *

 

Some time later, after all documents and contracts have been signed, the Birds bid a farewell to the executives and walk back through the lobby toward the elevators to leave. Taako, having forgotten his Stone of Farspeech in the conference room, runs back to grab it.

When he arrives at the door leading into the room, it's slightly cracked, and it's completely dark. Taako stops short of the door, though, when he hears a faint hissing on the other side. Its quiet, but he knows it's there. In the darkness, something glows a faint red, and he reaches for the doorknob....

Taako yelps when he feels a hand on his shoulder and turns around to meet the face of the orc man executive who had been in their meeting. He smiles and says,  
"Ah, Mr. Taaco, looking for this?"

He holds out Taako's stone, and Taako nods and gives a weak smile, taking it out from his hand.

The orc continues smiling as he opens the conference room door to reveal it completely normal, lights dark and no hissing or red light in sight.  
"Well, glad I got it back to you. I'll see you soon, Mr. Taaco. Have a good night."

Taako mutters a good night back and walks briskly toward the stairs, thank you very much, and runs down to meet the others.

_That must of been in my head, right? Just tired, so tired, it was nothing....._

Taako's thoughts raced through his head as he joined back together with rest, all ready to go have dinner together in celebration. Everyone is smiles and happy jeers as they start making their way to a Fantasy Olive Garden down the street.

Taako tries to smile with them, but lags behind and soon stops when he feels someone watching him. He looks back up at the tall Fantasy NBC office building and spots the orc man watching him from a high window, emotionless.

Taako sucked in a quick breath and jogged over to Lup who intertwined her arm and his and grinned at him, then continuing her conversation with Barry.

His heart raced as he dared not look over his shoulder again, the voice in his head whispering,

_All in my head.... all in my head... it's nothing...nothing..._

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!  
> Thanks for reading the newest chapter. I'm trying my best to get them out on my free days, so sorry it's a little short. I'm very excited for this story and I'm trying to get past most of the set up as quickly as possible. 
> 
> Also, you probably noticed, there's a lot of.... OTHER stuff going on beneath the surface because there's now way I'm leaving my fic with no underlying secrets and lore soooo have fun with that :)
> 
> Please kudos if you like it, and comment because it makes me soooo unbelievably happy to hear from y'all! Thank you for all of the support so far, and hopefully ill see you soon!
> 
> Sorry not sorry to Derek Hough  
> stay fresh,  
> sephrati


	4. Birds Are       Contractually      Obligated to Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako faces the grim music of the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy :)

"Kravy, have you seen my boogie shoes?"

"If you mean your sneakers, dear, they're by the front door."

Taako rolled his eyes and sauntered his way into the foyer, snatching his shoes from the front door mat.

"Did I stutter? They're my BOOGIE SHOES and they're gonna help us win the Mirrorball Trophy."

Lup popped her head around the side wall separating the foyer from the dining room, eyebrows raised.

"I thought this was all about family time, KoKo?"

Taako waved his hand absentmindedly at her, muttering,

"Mmhm- that too. Ya know, quality bonding, healing, whatever.... but mostly that dope gold trophy, natch."

Lup smirked and entered the room fully, dressed in an array of red and orange athletic wear, staying on brand as long as she could before going goth when she was to become lich.

Barry followed behind her, eyes grim and lips set in a firm line as the sudden realization that he was going to have to dance on live TV came over him. To Taako's utter disgust and horror, Barry was dressed in blue jeans and a tshirt. This was also on brand, but also, as Taako so clearly put it,

"We're practicing for ballroom dancing, Barold. You don't wear fuckin' jeans."

Barry ignored these comments and stood firmly next to Lup as she softly whispered small words of encouragement to him, sensing his obvious unease.

Taako watched, a soft smile creeping on his face as he basked in the presence of is sister and brother in law, grateful for the millionth time he had them back. As he looked at them with eyes glossed over, Kravitz jogged down the stairs, bag in hand. His dreads were pulled up into a ponytail and he wore a simple black outfit of dark leggings and a loose shirt. Originally unsure of what to wear to their first practice, Kravitz had asked Taako to help him pick out clothes this morning. Although he was sure the elf had just picked out items that were ideal for ogling when he thought Kravitz wasn't looking, he still looked as put together as always.

Kravitz stepped down onto the stair landing, about to open his mouth to make a smart remark about Taako's choice words for his shoes, but stopped when he saw him looking as Lup and Barry.

What was that look in his eyes? Happiness? Jealousy? Longing?

Kravitz and Taako had been together for a little over a year, and seemed to fit together perfectly. Well, as perfectly a reaper of death and an eccentric celebrity chef and wizard can get. But Kravitz still had trouble discerning Taako's emotions. He had not been in a real relationship in some time, and to truly understand a person's emotions, especially an enigma such as Taako, he needed time.

So as Kravitz watched worriedly as Taako gazed intently at Lup and Barry, the sound of Taako's stone snapped everyone out of their stupor. Taako fumbled it out of his pocket, answering,

"Taako, greatest chef in the universe and celebrity wizard and soon headmaster of magic school, what's poppin-"

"Mr. Taaco, sir, it's Dante from NBC's Dancing With the Stars, I just wanted to make sure you all are coming for the first day of practice?"

Taako grimaced as he heard the all too familiar voice of the orc man he had met a few weeks prior. Dante, as he soon introduced himself over many calls, gave Taako an uneasy feeling. At the moment, Taako pushed these feelings away, knowing there was no real base to them, but still felt uncomfortable every time the man talked to him.

Kravitz had coffee with him a week ago, along with Carey and Killian, to prove to the producer they were camera ready and wouldn't somehow ruin the show. They were approved, natch, and Kravitz had told Taako after a lengthy questioning that a he thought Dante was a nice guy. Taako was hoping to have Kravitz also feel something negative around him, but with no such luck.

"Uhhhh- yeah. The four of us are leaving now, and the others will also arrive shortly."

"Great. See you then. We're all very excited to have you.” 

Taako hung up and tried to keep his face blank, not wanting to show his family his bad feeling about a situation he dragged them into. Giving his best toothy smile, he turned to Kravitz and looked at him up and down, and observed,

"Looking good as always, babe. Gotta say, I think I made pretty good choices."

Kravitz grinned and met Taako by the front door, wrapping his arms around Taako's waist. He studied the elf's own clothing choices; the cropped shimmering gold tank top paired with a similarly glittery pair of leggings. 

"That you did, love. Really nothing compared to you, though. You're like my own Mirrorball Trophy."

Lup made exasperated choking sounds in the background, groaning,

"I am going to DIE from the sappiness, get me out of here-"

She grabbed Barry and flew out the front door, leaving an unfazed Taako and Kravitz looking sweetly at one another.

Barry stumbled after her, chuckling fondly.

"Hon, they kinda remind me of us when we started dating. Give them a break."

Lup gave a small smile and sighed,

"Yeah, I guess. I should try not to poke at them so much-"

She was cut off by the loud noise of Taako yelling,

"I'M ABOUT TO KISS MY EXTREMELY HOT BOYFRIEND, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. SURE HOPE NOBODY'S LISTENING~"

 Loud, exaggerated smooching sounds echoed outside as Lup tugged down her ears in horror and screamed,

"CUT OFF MY EARS, CUT EM OFF-"

They were definitely going to be late.

 

* * *

  

Twenty minutes later, the twins along with their boyfriends sailed into Fantasy NBC's studio, breathing heavily and laughing. Horrified executives and producers stepped out of the way as Dante walked towards them, arms out in welcome.

"Good morning all of you! You all look fantastic. The rest of the birds are waiting in the lobby before we send you off to the dance studio. Follow me."

Taako, Lup, Barry, and Kravitz followed in tow, weaving between various people holding files and coffee, off to prepare the show. There was no shortage of some double looks and quiet murmuring, but it was much less than the four were used to due to the TV crew meeting the plane’s biggest celebrities on the daily.

Five minutes later, Dante opened a glass door to reveal the other four birds along with Carey and Killian chatting quietly in multiple chairs and couches. 

Lucretia was off in the corner, chugging a cup of coffee from the table next to her, eyes drawn together in worry. Magnus sat on the sofa next to her, laughing with Carey. Killian was to Carey's right, hand holding hers, her face mirroring Lucretia's in obvious worry. Merle was in his own chair, sitting next to Davenport and a potted plant, and Taako quickly cast creeping thoughts out of his mind as he noticed this detail. Davenport was standing near another exit door, looking ready to bolt at any moment, also white knuckle clutching a styrofoam cup of complimentary coffee.

Dante clapped his hands together and snapped all of the attention to him. He walked to the center of the room, slowly circling as he met everyone's eyes and smiling. Everyone smiled back at him, already won over by his corporate grin and white teeth. Taako folded his arms and frowned, eyeing Dante warily as he began, 

"Hello everyone. I hope you're all doing well, you all look great, as always. Birds, and friends, I just wanted to tell you how excited we are to have you on the studio premises and on the show. We're working day and night to get it perfect, and we're positive you'll like it. Today marks your first day of training, and in just a week you'll be on live TV."

Barry looked as though he was about to keel over, a past necromancer who’s faced death in the daily absolutely terrified by the thought of being watched by thousands of people. Davenport was extremely interested in his cup of coffee, as was Lucretia, both of them tight lipped as they mused over their life choices. Magnus was hand puppeting Dante's words to the amusement of Carey and Killian, and Merle was looking a little too fondly at the plant next to him. Taako and Lup shared an eye roll at Dante's obvious flair, and Kravitz mimicked his stance and smile as the twins stifled their laughter. 

The orc man was yet to be interrupted as he continued his carefully practiced speech.

"Now, I just have to say a few more business things before you go on your way. Firstly, you’re pre first show training will take about a week and a half, that time including multiple costume fittings, advertising, and of course, practice. The other thing is, because of studio protocol and the show’s popularity, we've decided that your dance instructors will be some past professional dancers. Fans really enjoy them on the show, plus you all will need extensive training before your dance floor ready."

Taako's laugh fest was cut off when he heard Dante's voice say those words. He held up his hand and snapped,

"Hold the fuck up. We specifically said no involvement of your professional dancers. That was the deal." 

Dante turned to look at Taako, his plastered smile and cold eyes unmoving as he gently replied,

"Well, Mr. Taaco, someone is going to have to teach you all. Can't just send you all out on live tv with no actual training. You'd be like dogs without horses. And as far as the 'deal' goes, it’s out of my hands."

At this point, Magnus's face was a ghastly pale white as a single name was repeated silently under his breath. Taako gritted his teeth and tried to keep it together. He was Taako from fuckin' TV, savior of the universe, celebrity chef, soon head of magic school or whatever the hell his long ass fantastical title was. How DARE this stuffy suit wearing studio producer push him and his friends around. 

"Well, Dawn-tay," Taako spat, pronouncing each syllable of the mans name with venom, "you better get your hands back on it, because we will walk out this door right now-"

Dante laughed and cut off Taako's rant, the elf glaring at him in fury. He simply smiled and walked toward the door, opening it and saying over his shoulder,

"Mr. Taaco, I apologize if you're frustrated, but there's really nothing I can do. And need I remind you-"

He spun around, his smile more real and slightly more jarring than before, and he met Taako's eyes.

"You signed the contract."

The glass door banged shut as Dante left the room, and Taako let out a furious string of curses as Magnus stared off somewhere unseen, the name being repeated louder and louder in great fear,

"Derek...Hough...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y’all,  
> thanks for reading another chapter! I know it’s been a little while since I’ve posted, and I’m sorry about that. Holiday season kinda sucker punched me in the face and I barely wrote, so that’s on me! I hope you all had a joyous candlenights and are ready to become the monster in 2019.
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be much longer, but I wanted to get something out soon, so there will be another part to this same timeframe/scene next time. To help me with posting more on a schedule, I’ve decided to write slightly smaller chapter but post more. I don’t know if that’s necessarily better, but it works for me. Especially since this is looking to be a longer story thanks to the plot lines I keep throwing in, smaller scenes and pieces will help in the long run.
> 
> That’s it for now, I really hope you’ve enjoyed this idea/story. I super appreciate kudos and comments, but honestly comments are such a delight and I love hearing feedback. :)
> 
> stay fresh,  
> sephrati


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